He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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