is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
