i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
