oh god the rape fog is back!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
