I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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