Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
