I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
