I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
