no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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