I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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