a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize