We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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