is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
tell me about the eggs
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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