you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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