First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
