I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
