fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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