I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
