And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
