Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
