im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
