I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
