DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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