I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
