I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
