Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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