Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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