Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
