bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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