im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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