Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
