and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
