You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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