shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently you make a good broom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
two words...techno handjob
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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