i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
