I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
