I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
