i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
