Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
