Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
