Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
