It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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