Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
