remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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