Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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