FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize