My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize