u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
