Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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