So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
