i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
