Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
