Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
