you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
