If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
