Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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