It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
