maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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