Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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