I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
