And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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