I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
