Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
