How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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