You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
