dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
