if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
