I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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