I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
