Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
