a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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