Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
