it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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