The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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