she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
