I think my vagina is haunted
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're too hungover to prance.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
