everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
