I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
